Not about Control, but Concern: The Misinformation of the Ego


The union between two A-Type personalities has always been an interesting one, because both appear to have an issue with control and trust. The ego has been the biggest culprit to perceiving situations that  are not there because your mind is there to protect you from threatening situation right? The tendencies to want to take charge in all realms of one’s life tends to be an issue in a relationship because the other half is uncomfortable with the idea that you are trying to change who s/he is. Finally, the concept of concern is misconstrued with control, and misinformation leads to misunderstandings that are the cause of unfortunate breakups.


The ego can be argued as a person’s perceptions about past experiences, as they relate their perceptions of they are, but it’s amazing how emotions can seriously distort everything. I read an article about an article that explained the concepts behind “ego-resiliency” and I often wondered if our ability to bounce back from negative emotional experiences, or adapt to changing stressful environments , was more sub-conscious than conscious. The tendency of an A-type personality is more fight than flight and the perception to remaining resilient may rest in one’s ability make the partner believe that changing is a good thing and make them less uncomfortable. Many of long-lasting couples may have persevered such unrealistic thinking and learned that being able to communicate their feelings about concern and control was key to their longevity.


The discomfort with feeling that you must change who you are to stay in a relationship can lead to your leaving or staying based on two agendas: the need for a sense of security  or the intent that you are going to get something that you are too lazy to get for yourself. Typically those with high self-esteem will cut their loses, but conditions such as loss of financial independence, will that ego resiliency to kick in. Growth and maturity are intangible assets that can reinforce a marriage in the long-term, but it never hurts for be proactive in receiving counseling before you go into a marriage or any long-term relationship with implications, should fate rear it ugly head.

Ego is a part of the conscious that you cannot delude yourself in pretending you are not ruled by it. We humans are all fallible and should never be too proud to apologize for actions as a result of misunderstandings.  Concern is typically a good thing, unless you become concerned about a negative impression or feeling, but control, whether positive or negative, is always short-lived and will change when you least expect it.

The karma by an ill-advised ego will always lead to negative outcomes as a result of poor decision-making.

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